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Jun. 19th, 2015 08:03 pm Time for a new journal?

I just had an awesome guest. With the departure comes mixed feelings, good and bad memories, and the strange dichotomy that always seems to follow me.

I have a lot to say, but for some reason feel pulled back here. Perhaps it is because this journal reminds me of an old life. Perhaps things are really different now. Perhaps I need a breath of fresh air and the best way to do that is to start a new journal elsewhere.

I do not believe I have any audience members remaining? I have lurked for far too long and eluded the writings that have called me for so many previous years. It is something I want to change. I do not wish to stagnate, I wish to grow. Something I learned from my guest.

Perhaps it is time for a change.

Perhaps it is time to start anew.

In here, and in life.

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Apr. 6th, 2015 01:42 am Caps clinch a playoff spot!

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Feb. 23rd, 2015 12:38 am The Potion of Mayhem

The Potion of Mayhem

He runs to the forest, takes a potion out of his bag, and hurls it against a tree. It shatters, red liquid splaying forth in slow motion and glass shards reflecting sunlight.

It is in that moment of pure chaos that he sees the image, the memory of today, in all its splendor of joy and rage. He takes another potion and he thinks of rage. He pitches it, twirling with dark, twisted energy. He sees escaping droplets in slow motion and the glass strikes a log, bouncing, glancing, slicing, and shattering. If one could shatter rage this is how he imagines it would be. He takes another potion and thinks of joy. He tosses it, twirling with a bright white energy. It strikes a tree, bounces, shatters. If one could shatter joy this is how he imagines it would be.

He thinks of where they are now. Drops of joy and rage falling into the earth. They will grow into trees of pure light and darkness, years from now. Perhaps they will remember this moment. Like an imprint. He takes out one final potion and drinks it. He walks forward, stepping on the earth that has tasted a bit of his joy and rage.

This final potion that he drank is called the Potion of Mayhem.
Its makeup will be determined by what his body feels going forward. It may be joy, it may be rage, it maybe a combination of these and many other things.

He passes trees of Joy and Rage, left by others years ago. He spots a path. Mayhem disappears into the forest.

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Feb. 23rd, 2015 12:08 am If indeed this is a pot..

This is a pot, no?

Confirm, this is a pot?

A pot of what?

A pot of humanity! Emotions, raw intellect. Words before they form. It is precisely what I cannot show in the moment because it happens too fast, or the moment after because to show it is to boil over in a dose of humanity that no one is ready to see.

Because if I were to show you how I really felt (which I basically already did), one might accuse me of being young, naive, having a crush, feeling curious about such innocent feelings, this is my perception of your perception.

+A Pot..Collapse )

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Feb. 22nd, 2015 11:50 pm FLGGGPT


you are f***ing beautiful when you talk about anything.

balance the pedestal so things are on the same level as Paul. Then go forward.

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Feb. 22nd, 2015 11:44 pm Level up.

Level up little by little..

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Feb. 6th, 2015 01:03 am The freedom to choose..

I had a revelation today. Sure there's snow and sure there's cool stuff going on. But revelations, dammit. That's the good stuff. The chocolate syrup of the sundae.

I somehow found myself imagining the words, "It is the judgment of this court that he has the freedom to choose." It's from a show or something. Where it's from doesn't matter. But the point is, something about these words brought me peace.

Why? You might ask. When I imagine these words I imagine all the difficult situations I've been in that I still think about. The conflict. The unresolved feelings in relationships. When I imagine these words it changes. I imagine myself telling the person how I really feel. Or, even just talking about it to anyone, yelling it aloud in my room alone, or journaling about it. And it feels freaking good. I didn't do anything, mind you, I just imagined it. I imagined having the ability to do it. I imagined doing it. Even a spurt of anger, yelling, going, 'I hate X and Y about this.'

I was surprised with what a release it had in me, just imagining those words. "It is the ruling of this court that he as the freedom to choose."

+Later on..Collapse )

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Feb. 1st, 2015 02:22 am Solace

Dear blog,

I come to you to find solace tonight, though I do not expect to find any. I guess the events earlier today hit me harder than I first realized, but I do not seek assurance. Just, a means to get through it as anyone else would.

Earlier today I talked with someone I care about, I don't know why I care about her. I guess maybe because she's kind, fun, beautiful, eccentric, intelligent. I wish I could hold her hand. I wish I could kiss her, and tell how how wonderful she is. And have that moment freeze and last for a little while. It would be nice to know she feels the same way. I forget how that feels. How someone you're into is also really into you. Without all the confusion, misdirection, and hurt. I don't know if I've ever felt that way. At least it's been a while. But I sensed something different from her. I should have known. I should have known it would happen again.

+Call the council..Collapse )

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Jan. 31st, 2015 06:51 pm Times..

I'm sad things could not progress further. I'm thankful for the opportunity with you and wish you the best. The times we went out were among the most fun I've had in a while.

Keep going forward. But for today, take a rest. You deserve it.

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Jan. 25th, 2015 08:15 pm thankful


I'm thankful for the opportunity with her. Regardless of what happens. It's already worth it.

For one moment. Enjoy the fruits of your struggle. You've earned it.

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